It won’t be the last time I destroy something I created.  It was the only time I burned my work in my bedroom garbage can though. Fortunately I got it out quick with no fire consequences besides my destroyed work. 

Memories of drawing more race cars, spaceships & intricate puzzles are sketchy. Change in hobbies? Hormones? Immaturity & frustration plus my stressful home life & growing up in an athletic neighborhood where I was the one who always got picked last? I have no idea.  I just know I quit drawing daily. Mysteriously quitting something I love to do would come back again later in life. 

College sucked bad initially. Alone, shy, low confidence. Crying when alone in my shared dorm room. Had an excellent roommate who was classic high school big athletic letterman linebacker, first baseman kinda guy. Very friendly. We hit it off immediately. Peace in my new home. 

Mind game turmoil in my old home. Given an ultimatum to get my toys out of “their house” immediately or they were being disposed of. Spoiled rotten childhood, until everything started changing during my adolescence, I was now required to come home, select the toys I wanted to save and bring them to my new home, my dorm room. My shared small dorm room. 

All of my toys were all carefully stored on one tall shelf in a corner of our enormous basement. Think of the coolest toys from the ‘60s and ‘70s and I probably had it. I wanted to save them as future antique potential investments & to share with my own kids, nieces and nephews.  They had been my only possessions. Some sold I understand. The rest thrown away. 

Home for Thanksgiving break, the tall shelf in the corner of the enormous basement was empty. Little did I know at the time, the random mind games would increase in intensity. Home for Christmas break, the tall shelf in the corner of the enormous basement was empty. Since the ultimatum I had been trying to understand why she was so cruel and why my dad did nothing. What had been my only possessions never to be seen again and the go fuck yourself empty shelf fed my goal to get far away from home like my dad had been encouraging me to do since high school. 

say it

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